I first met him on a trek to Chamba Valley, but we hardly kept in touch later. However, seven years down the lane, another trip to Coorg introduced us to an evolved version of each other and the rest is history.
Guru and I are individuals who’ve always pushed boundaries within our own families. Our relationship too was so, as he is four years younger than me. So, when we decided to tie the knot, we met with many comments like ‘marrying an older woman meant, he would be dominated for the rest of his life’ or that we weren’t “good looking” together, because of the age difference and different body types.
To add to it, we ourselves had a lot of inhibitions about the institution of marriage. It felt like we would be following a rulebook for life where everything had to happen a certain way. But the more we spent time together, we realised we were ready to create our own rulebook without being answerable to anyone.
I was not used to chivalry. Having been fiercely independent, I would often argue about small things like Guru wanting to carry a heavy backpack or open the door for me. It continued till we had an open-hearted conversation. Then, I realised these gestures were to show care and not to make me feel less able.
I ensured that he knew everything about my upbringing so, there were no surprises later. There were no gender-based roles at our home. Even he prefers it that way as his father would equally pitch in household chores. I am always amused by friends who say I am lucky to have a husband who helps me cook. It funny that women still believe housework is a woman’s job while husbands are merely helpers.
In comparison to the general benchmarks, I got married late. So, at some point, I was attending my friends’ children’s birthday parties, feeling totally out of place. Though I feel, it gave me some time to look at other marriages and weigh and make mental notes on relationships, later, making them relevant in my marriage.
As for Guru, he assumed that women always like being swept off their feet. This made him fearful of commitment. Don’t take me wrong, I’d love a hallmark movie romance. But he had already warned me, so I practiced keeping expectations very low. But today, like me, I’m sure he’d also feel that he has outdone himself.
When we are not traveling, we enjoy having conversations about everything from trivia to intense philosophy. We always keep learning new aspects of each other and evolve constantly. We try to understand the best ways to communicate things. Over time, we also respect that both of us have different needs when it comes to sharing. We try not to get offended if, sometimes, there is too much or too little sharing.
Our myths of a relationship were the expectations the society or our own families had from a husband-wife relationship. Understanding our boundaries and knowing when to push each other is where we found our strength.