Angry Couple

Understanding Anger In Marriage

Haven’t we all experienced anger at some point or the other? Strong, and intimidating yet a perfectly normal, healthy emotion that expresses displeasure and sometimes aroused by a sense of wrongdoing. However, anger is one emotion we should pay close attention to. Defining anger in marriage, we can say that it is showing your frustration or expressing yourself impulsively, without thought. 

It is often seen that people use anger, to justify feelings, have displaced emotions, or even lift one’s self-worth by feeling more powerful. Sometimes one may even witness excessive anger in a marriage that may be sprouting from feelings of selfishness, anxiety, sadness, or even modeling behavior from one’s family of origin. 

Research indicates that people who have an angry spouse are more at risk for having depressive symptoms.

Anger directed at spouses increases anxiety in them, brings in a lack of trust, weakens their confidence in the relationship, increases their irritability, and can also harm their physical health. So, we see that both partners may be equally impacted by anger in their relationship. 

Anger is common but what matters is how we process it, control it, or resolve it.

Dealing with anger effectively is one of the most difficult skills to develop, but without a doubt, it helps partners develop a stronger bond. If we learn how to process and remove anger from our system, it helps to not destroy our relationship with it.

Recognizing Different Ways Individuals or Couples Express Anger

A conflict-free marriage is a myth. Even the most successful marriages go through conflicts. In marriages where both partners have opinions, conflicts are bound to occur. When we deal with conflicts healthily, it strengthens bonds, but if left unresolved, conflicts can lead to a lack of trust and affection in the marriage, thus influencing its success or failure. 

People deal with anger by either venting out or suppressing it. Some individuals or couples yell and then back off, and then come closer until another conflict arises. Some individuals or couples hurt each other emotionally or physically with their outbursts. However, many others feel uncomfortable with the idea of confronting or expressing anger and deal with it, by suppressing it.

Suppressed anger can be dangerous because it is always festering inside a person, never really gone.

Anger could also be in the form of passive-aggression through long-lasting criticism, sarcastic comments, and nagging. Some others also suppress anger over some time through silence and indifference. As you can imagine, these can cause emotional detachment and distance in a marriage. 

 Even successful couples do have conflicts, but they most likely, do this one thing differently. They consciously choose to ponder over the situation and deal with the issues to increase cooperation and decrease the struggles. Reflecting on your behavior and accepting change as part of life is a reasonable way to start. You may find it interesting to read our blog on tips for dealing with anger in your marriage.